22 Feb

I’ve been taking a second mood medication for the past month.  I haven’t noticed anything dramatic so I wasn’t sure that it was working.

Then I realized what was going on: I think I feel normal.  I don’t know, but I suspect this is how most people feel most of the time.  Not great, not bad.  Just level.

In many ways this is good, right?  People ask me how I and the fam are doing and I keep saying fine.  I never describe anything as fine.  How uninformative.  But it is true–things are smooth, fine, nothing to report.

Is this what life is mostly like for folks?  It is freaking me out.  Don’t laugh.

Seventeen years of antidepressants never made me feel this way.  They just took the edge off so I didn’t cry all the time.  I still cried plenty when I had a reason.  I still got wildly excited about stuff too.  I’m not bipolar but I am certainly a person with strong emotions.

Now?  I don’t feel like myself.  It isn’t like a fog though, which I know is a common complaint with these types of meds.  I’m thinking clearly, enjoying sunshine, writing lots.  Just not real up or down with how I feel.

Is this good?  Bad?  I have no idea.  It is boring.  I’ve always thought that my family, crazy though we are, is at least not boring.  But maybe boring is better than crazy.  I honestly don’t know.  Todd is just happy that I’m not crying so beyond that, he’s not too insightful.

So, dear readers, if you think you are a basically representative human being, is this what normal feels like?  Seriously.  I’m thinking this might explain why the rest of the universe gets less worked up about stupidity and poverty and bad schools and great music and fantastic brownies.

Comments please.


2 Responses to “Normal”

  1. kristine February 23, 2014 at 1:04 pm #

    Seems like a great sign to me. I wouldn’t expect results to be dramatic, and normalcy is good. I’d be interested in hearing your report in another month. What is the new medication?

    • eliana23 February 23, 2014 at 7:36 pm #

      Wellbutrin XL.

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