Archive | February, 2014

Finallly!

25 Feb

After much garden failure, a ridiculous number of dead trees, and acceptance of the fact that I do not have a green thumb, we are having marginal success with growing food this winter.

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Bravery

24 Feb

I applied for two writer residencies.  I have a very limited schedule of availability (July basically) which happens to be the most popular time for such ventures.  But I persist.  I apply to one every year…and get rejected.

I’m equally scared of getting accepted and getting rejected.  That’s weird huh?

I also love Sara B’s song Brave even though everyone likes it.  I don’t care.  It is a nice song.  The video is pretty rad as well.

Sing Me a Song

23 Feb

We decided that we should record the boy in all his glory before this phase ends.  He sings along with everything.  I’m not exaggerating.  He and I could drive across America singing and be totally content. There’s another video I can pass along if you want to see, but you will have to go to it yourself on my YouTube channel (ElianaThe is the name of it).

Normal

22 Feb

I’ve been taking a second mood medication for the past month.  I haven’t noticed anything dramatic so I wasn’t sure that it was working.

Then I realized what was going on: I think I feel normal.  I don’t know, but I suspect this is how most people feel most of the time.  Not great, not bad.  Just level.

In many ways this is good, right?  People ask me how I and the fam are doing and I keep saying fine.  I never describe anything as fine.  How uninformative.  But it is true–things are smooth, fine, nothing to report.

Is this what life is mostly like for folks?  It is freaking me out.  Don’t laugh.

Seventeen years of antidepressants never made me feel this way.  They just took the edge off so I didn’t cry all the time.  I still cried plenty when I had a reason.  I still got wildly excited about stuff too.  I’m not bipolar but I am certainly a person with strong emotions.

Now?  I don’t feel like myself.  It isn’t like a fog though, which I know is a common complaint with these types of meds.  I’m thinking clearly, enjoying sunshine, writing lots.  Just not real up or down with how I feel.

Is this good?  Bad?  I have no idea.  It is boring.  I’ve always thought that my family, crazy though we are, is at least not boring.  But maybe boring is better than crazy.  I honestly don’t know.  Todd is just happy that I’m not crying so beyond that, he’s not too insightful.

So, dear readers, if you think you are a basically representative human being, is this what normal feels like?  Seriously.  I’m thinking this might explain why the rest of the universe gets less worked up about stupidity and poverty and bad schools and great music and fantastic brownies.

Comments please.

Aging, Not Gracefully

8 Feb

We went to a concert last night, billed as a Tribute to Neil Diamond. 

AFTER the intermission there were five Neil songs.  The rest of the night was not as expected…more of a variety show.  Which would have been fine if 1) I was expecting it and 2)I hadn’t paid $50 for tickets.

And of course, we were the only non-AARP members there.  Which is fine but funny.

Also, Todd recently purchased tickets for a fun family weekend to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary: a live show called Marvel Universe, featuring all the super heroes.  I know I’ve given up on my life because I went along with the plan.

But I glanced at the tickets this morning.  They are for April 2015.  Who sells tickets to an event (other than the Olympics or something important like an REM concert) 15 months in advance?  So weird.  We checked to see if it is a typo.  It is not.  We will have a great time next year.  I guess.  I suspect that it may be a large chunk of money down the drain as I don’t know if we can remember.

 

Epidemic

6 Feb

I have the flu.  All my inches hurt, like inside my cheek bones and deep within my knee joints.  Todd has a bit too.  I’m not sick enough to entirely give up on life, just sick enough to feel pitiful and wretched and wish Owen was at school with Cole.

FYI, if I die (I guess my husband would have to die also), the kids are going to my friend Lara.  Maybe she’ll raise them even if I don’t die.

If you have any Diet Squirt or brownies, hook me up.

Good and True

3 Feb

I just read a fast little book called Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan.  I can’t really recommend it as great but it was nice and fun and that sort of thing.  Nonfiction.  About a girl realizing she may turn into her mother.

Totally inapplicable to my life.  Don’t I wish.

Here’s a quote, probably the best paragraph of the whole thing.

But now I see there’s no such thing as a woman, one woman.  There are dozens inside every one of them.  I probably should’ve figured this out sooner, but what child can see the women inside her mom, what with all that Motherness blocking out everything else?

Told ya, lots to think about in a couple short sentences.  Is it possible for a child to see a parent as anything other than Mother/Father?  I suspect it might be mind blowing to even try before 20 or so.