I Blame Holden

9 Dec

I don’t like Christmas.  This is not Mr. Caufield’s fault per se, but his dislike of phoniness is a big part of why the holiday makes me crazy.

Sometimes I say that I hate Christmas.  That would be an exaggeration.  I love Christmas music (Wintersong by Sarah McLachlan is the best album ever), I enjoy baked goods and people being nice.

When it comes down to it, I’ve figured out the three things that make me feel Grinchy.

1. Christmas is a winter holiday.  I hate to be cold.  I don’t like feeling cold or doing cold weather things.  I don’t like hot chocolate.  I like fires but so do pagans.  It is virtually impossible for me to feel festive in the darkest time of the year.

2. Christmas presents.  This is weird because I adore giving gifts.  I wish it could be my job.  But when I receive a gift from someone that isn’t just right, it makes me feel sad.  Alone.  Like the giver doesn’t know me at all.  And how depressing is that?  You sit around the tree and open something and think, wow, the people I thought knew and loved me really have no clue about what I like, I really am a loser with no one who understands me.  This may sound slightly dramatic but it is how I feel.

3. Christmas as a religious holiday.  I believe in Jesus.  Celebrating his birth is a good idea.  Like one of the best ideas.  Kind of a big deal.  Kind of not a reindeer thing.  I don’t understand why Christians of any depth are not horrified about how we do Christmas.  Seriously, if this is how you remember the coming to Earth of the Son of God, maybe it is more solemn.  Still happy sure, but way less gaudy and tacky and BIG.  I don’t know how best to explain it.  The whole thing just seems weird.

Even though the above statements are true, I enjoy some of the traditions of Christmas because they are attached to fun memories.  Christmas was very ritualized in my childhood home.  I don’t do all the things, but I think of them fondly.  My kids will have different memories.  Not making them wierd, I hope, but it is definitely simpler and more about hanging out as a family and doing kindnesses for others.  Which will segue nicely into tomorrow’s post.

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3 Responses to “I Blame Holden”

  1. MBC December 10, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    I was just thinking similar thoughts about number 3, because I’m trying to explain to The Bairn how Christmas is about Jesus and then I don’t really know what to say about Santa and Frosty and everything else. In fact, I was just thinking a couple of days ago that I wanted to ask you what kinds of service you do with your kids (’cause I know you do it), because I want to make sure we do Christmastime service in our family as an appropriate expression of gratitude for a savior.

    Also, I never have keyboard access, so I rarely get to leave comments, but I’m so happy you’re feeling better and I thought your Jackson Pollack art project was awesome.

    Merry Christmas!

    • eliana23 December 11, 2013 at 8:17 am #

      Thanks MBC. I feel amazing, even though I’m cold. It is nice. And the picture makes me happy every day. The kids like to look at it and point out the parts that they think are fireflies or the sky or the end of the world.

  2. Liz December 11, 2013 at 12:37 pm #

    You are slowly coming along!

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